I don't want to be Positive anymore!

People say,or its a saaga of today's modern, fast running world,that "Be Positive". I am a very positive girl from my childhood.Even if things never go in favour to me,I always try to happy. I never blame people or situations for any of the things happened to me.

Many are the things and situations which have  played with me.Many are the sad moments which I faced. Still I used to say,sorry,convince that life should have twists,otherwise it will be boring!I just gave those meaningless explanations to myself for being happy.

Even if people cheated me, I never thought of taking revenge on them.Atleast I never have in my thoughts that something bad should happen to the people who cheated me.I trusted them.And they taught me a "lesson"!Thats what I say to myself!

I always believed in fancy sayings and proverbs and had overflowing positive energy in me.
I studied for knowledge......I lived for true love...Always was a gooooooooooood girl in front of everyone!Positive Comments!Positive Appraisals! Never thought seriously about life in future!

But I look back into my Over Positive Life now.......!!??


What the hell!!!
I haven't achieved anything till now.

I never gave full pledged happiness to my parents till now....I think I took the Life as it has come to me.Are the flowing winds of life taking them with me?Not allowing me to go in the way I want? Or am I  not deciding the way to go?

Enough now!!!

I am not going to compromise any more.Its time to fight back now.I will do the things which yield results now!
I need results..positive results!

Too much bored of being Positive now.I will look and take LIFE in a different angle! Gonna bring a pinch of Negativity in life..A different Flavour!!

I myself  WISHING ME ALL THE BEST!!!!

Iam not a CRIMINAL!

You are not Good...My thoughts chase me.They blame me..I fight with my thoughts!Is it my mistake to trust people a lot? Is it a mistake to care a lot? Is it a fault to be with a thing or creature which I like?

I agree I am not good always.I too have done few mistakes.I too have hurted people!But its not a crime ,coz I have not done them wantedly.Sometimes some things happen..We will be in such a happy state that we forget about the future circumstances!!!

I don't know why tears come in my eyes..I really don't know what I am missing! The bloody feelings are not in our control is the thing I always tell to myself..

I always think of being very good to others.It gives me a personal satisfaction,not for the sake of others,but its for my own sake...its my opinion. But being good is too much difficult.I have learnt it from experience.Pain is too much common in  being good..

See,you care for a person..he/she never does it to you.If you want to be good,you should still care for the person!Its too much difficult!At last I am a human and I look for something in return!

Sometimes you like a creature too much.its qualities,characteristics impress you!but still If you want to be good,You should leave that creature..Even if there is no fault/mistake in you, situations demand to be away from the thing you like!

Most important is,I am talking about "Being Good", it doesn't mean ,people judging me so...I am  talking being good in front of myself..in front of my conscience!in front of my Lord!!
But For the personal satisfaction which I get For "Being Good" ,I need to face dissatisfactions, a many.I need to do few things which are not supposed to be done according to rules of the world!

Finally,I gave an answer to myself!you will be getting returns.......!true!May be not from the people you cared!It may be in some other form!You will be for sure get noticed by the lord,my lord....ALLAH!
Anyways I am HIS Favourite and he will never let me down!

Ambiguity in Feelings....is the reason that what I wrote would be structureless and meaningless!!
People may call Mad..But Iam proud to be mad..because i think its an uncommon thing!So,UNIQUE........which I love to be!!